I Always Remember
by ahookedreader
Summary: He's gotten good at burning memories that he didn't want to comes to terms with, but he still remembers her. Always. And it hurts. So he hides the pain and puts up a solid wall to protect himself... Until Clara askes a question and his emotions suddenly grip him at full force, in such a way that hasn't happened in such a long time.


I Remember, Always

The Doctor and Clara, One-Shot

The Doctor fiddled with hid TARDIS and screwdriver as Clara bombarded him with questions.

"What is your favorite room in the TARDIS?" Clara questioned.

"The Library, no wait! The pool… definitely the pool. These questions are too simple, Clara. Make it more interesting!" The Doctor shot back as he twisted three levers at once.

"Okay," She challenged, "You said you were an alien. So, where are you from?"

"The planet Gallifrey, home of the Time Lords and Ladies." The Doctor responded easily, ducking under the console to quickly fix something.

"Do you visit home much?"

"No, not really. I'm too busy…exploring," The Doctor popped up from under the console to give his companion a big, goofy grin. She let out a little laugh.

"Alright, next question! I'm rather enjoying this game!" Sounds of the sonic screwdriver bounced off the playful mood.

"Alright, here's a little personal one," Clara got up and leaned her hands against the console, quite mischievously. The Doctor matched her pose as he finished, as if to mock her.

"You're 900 years old, so you must've met someone you liked. Not like as a friends, but… 'like like.'"Clara waited expectantly for an answer. The Doctor broke her stare, nervously almost and fiddled with more buttons on the TARDIS. "C'mon, spit it out."

The man (or alien in this case) in question turned away and Clara saw that she had struck a nerve.

"Doctor… "Clara's voice trailed off.

"I'm in love with my TARDIS!" he blurted. "Okay so where shall we go next? How about the ice planet of Plish? Or maybe-"

Clara abruptly cut him off.

"Doctor, don't avoid the question. I can tell when you're lying; I work with kids after all! Just, tell me what she… or maybe he –nothing wrong with that you know—looked like." Clara said.

"Oh, it was a girl, but, well, um, I can't remember," The Doctor wrung his hands together then fell back onto the leather seat, seemingly defeated.

"There is absolutely no way the smartest man, in the entire universe, can forget the woman who he loved most." Clara moved to sit next to the uncharacteristically downcast man.

"Clara, it was such a long time ago. Everyone I knew has moved on. Does it even matter?" The Doctor still hadn't made eye contact with Clara.

"I've seen it in your eyes, Doctor." Clara started softly. "Every once in awhile, they get all misty and clouded. You start to seem distracted, like you're remembering something, but only for a second or two. Trust me, I've been trained to know when something's up," Clara tried her best to help her Doctor, but it was no use. He rose to his feet, quickly hit some blinking buttons, and a whirring sound filled the quiet room.

"She was blond." He whispered quietly and Clara just barely caught the mumble; almost thought she had imagined the words to be perfectly honest. She had just begun to stand, when the TARDIS tumbled, and then crashed, violently shaking both her and the Doctor. She barely caught herself as she smacked against the cold floor.

The Doctor clapped his hands, "Alright-y then, up you come, we have a new planet to explore!" Clara took his offered hand and he led her out the door.

The moment faded just as quickly as it had started. Clara knew that she would likely never be allowed to venture into that section of the Doctor's life ever again. She would never know the blonde's name, how she met the Doctor, if he had fallen in love with her laugh or her brain, or both… She would just become another mystery of the Doctor.

She studied him as his grim expressions disappeared at the sound of the TADIS doors creaking open. His eyes remained distant, as if trying to erase the painful memories of some past with a blonde women Clara would never know. That was the moment she realized that his pain was omnipresent. It could only be described as a dull, rusty knife slashing constantly at both of his hearts. It was enough to send a sane man crazy. But the Doctor was never sane.


End file.
